I'm sure I will feel better about everything when I am feeling physically better. A few days ago I started on medication to regulate my periods (tmi, I know, but for the past few months, I have been on my period more than I have been off), and correct the anaemia that has been causing my haemoglobin levels to drop precipitously. Hopefully this will also fix the insane everyday headaches and I will not be so irritable.
I'm sure part of the reason I feel so down is that I am feeling physically unwell (ha! And I thought I was feeling okay but had a bit of a bleeding issue) but right now I hate synchro so much. I hate how competitive my team is within itself, and I hate being the last-ranked swimmer. I hate the sound of my name, because I hear it all the time followed by a correction.
Today at varsity practice, after four hours of masters practice, I sat on the edge of the pool. I couldn't even make myself get in and try. I just couldn't see the point. Nothing I do makes me any better; I can't catch up to my teammates, who are all incredible. I bring the team down, and everyone knows it. I can't even think of what else I should be doing.
I cried into my goggles during masters practice today. Am I thirteen? Good lord. Grow up. The drama!
- (no subject)