one day my life's gonna flash before my eyes

(so i'm gonna make damn sure it's worth watching)

(no subject)
underwater
sushi_chick
I've migrated to blogger. I'm not 100% sure I'd like to share the new blog with the entire world, so just hit me up if you're interested and I'll email you the link. I'll screen comments for this entry, so that emails aren't displayed.

(no subject)
underwater
sushi_chick
With competing in Worlds, backpacking Europe, and starting med school, I've pretty much fallen off here. I think I may migrate over to Blogger and start a friends and family blog about med school instead. And really, that's all I came here to say.

(no subject)
underwater
sushi_chick
Today, I began my plan to work on my thesis for two hours each weekday. This can include any sort of thesis work EXCEPT data-gathering. The trouble is that up until now I've included data-gathering as part of my thesis work, which is all fine and well, because it is technically "working on my thesis", but since my thesis is accelerated I need to actually write. And since I'm also working two jobs and swimming on two teams (i.e., six practices each week up until now, and now eight practices each week), I need to schedule in very specific blocks of time to work on poor, neglected Baby Thesis.

Will I actually pull this off?

I ask myself that a lot. By "this", I mean, my whole masters degree. It's a serious question. I've taken on more than I can logically hope to complete. And by all accounts except my supervisor's, my accelerated masters thesis is about the size of a phd project, so I should have at least twice the time I've actually got to do it.

But this is what I do, non? MORE THAN I CAN. SO LET'S GET TO IT.

(no subject)
underwater
sushi_chick
Wow, my neighbour is truly batshit. More to follow.

Also, somehow that appearance on Much prompted someone from a parenting magazine to contact me for information about our program for their March issue. What is wrong here? I guess this is...good?

And finally, hives: they itch.

(no subject)
underwater
sushi_chick
Ended up leaving practice early today because I felt TOO SICK. I feel like such a loser when I miss practice. I hate it. I also missed class today, and have an extension on my paper that was supposed to be due tomorrow for today's class.

I just have a headache, very slight sore throat, and stomach cramps, but I can't think straight.

The hearing for my next-door neighbour was...interesting.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned her on here, but she is certifiably bat-shit insane. She comes home in the middle of the night and shouts profanities, leaves her door open while cooking things and listening to music and yelling at her cat/people on the phone/no one in particular. After I looked after her cat (and she took advantage by staying away a week longer than expected), she started sending me text messages constantly, asking me to look in on her cat. She also became convinced that my cat peed in her apartment (she would frequently come over to my apartment and ask me to let my cat out to "play" with her cat) and that had made her cat pee in her apartment, and then started sending me harassing text messages. She also just has a tendency to scream, throw and break things, and pound on the wall. So, someone else complained about her, and other people have called the cops on her, but I ended up getting pulled into this when I was talking to my landlord about something completely unrelated and mentioned her and he said that he thought things had quieted down...

...uh, no.

I ended up keeping track of her major outbursts of craziness (e.g., screaming into the hallway at 2 a.m., "FUCK YOU! Why don't you file a noise complaint, you stupid bitches?"), and sending it to my landlord, and he asked me and the neighbours on the opposite side to attend the hearing.

The other neighbours couldn't make it, since the hearing was in the middle of the day, but Jon and I ended up going, seeing as we didn't want her to end up staying around just because witnesses didn't show up. Uncomfortably, it turned out that we left our apartments at the same time, were in the subway at the same time, and entered the Landlord and Tenant Board at the same time. I think she was probably having a minor shitfit at that point, since I imagine she didn't anticipate I would be there.

When we got there, we met the lawyer who as there representing our building's interests (which, we learned from Franklin, my landlord, was GET HER OUT), and heard the bad news that there was no legal counsel at the board that day (apparently there usually is), meaning there was no one available to advise Crazyface and the hearing would probably be adjourned. It was, but first they managed some mediation (after explaining to her three different ways what mediation is, and leaving her to get an explanation from someone over the phone). The mediation took three hours, which Jon and I spent sitting in the waiting room.

Turns out she's an alcoholic (and a personal trainer?). I'm pretty sure she's got some other addiction issue, but I'll go with alcoholism, sure. There was also some other that no one was at liberty to disclose to me.

I think they did eventually go to a hearing because they moved to a hearing room, but she managed to have it adjourned a half-hour in because she wants to stay "with terms" (i.e., on good behaviour) and the landlord won't have it. So we're back again in January.

The positive that came out of this is that the case can be expedited if she does anything crazy before then. She's been ringing my buzzer in the middle of the night (does she really think I don't know it's her), so I don't imagine she can keep from doing anything outright balls-out nuts for much longer.

(no subject)
underwater
sushi_chick
Today is the eviction hearing for my next door neighbour, and I'm supposed to speak. Basically, she's going to murder my ass afterward. Or maybe before, or during.

(no subject)
underwater
sushi_chick
When my doctor put me on medication to regulate my periods, she suggested I take it before bedtime, because it "relaxes some people".

"So," I asked, "you mean it can be sedating?"

She conceded. But when I spoke to the pharmacist, she said this wasn't terribly likely and I should be fine.

This particular medication has to be taken on an empty stomach--an hour before or two hours after eating--and at about the same time everyday. It's pretty tricky. Last night, I realised too late that I hadn't eaten and wouldn't be able to make something in time for me to eat, wait two hours, and take my medication without it being much later than it should be. So I decided to take the medication, and pop a vegetable lasagna in the oven, which would take about an hour to cook, leaving me safely stomach-empty after taking the pill.

For the few days I have been taking this medication, I have always gone to bed immediately after downing it. This was the first time I'd stayed awake.

My doctor didn't mean "relaxed". She didn't even mean "sedated". She meant "high". Documented side effect, although when I looked it up online people had called it "feeling drunk", which you would only call it if you had never been high before.

I had Jon call me and talk to me on the phone because I was so far outside my body I thought I was never going to come back down.

(no subject)
underwater
sushi_chick
I'm sure I will feel better about everything when I am feeling physically better. A few days ago I started on medication to regulate my periods (tmi, I know, but for the past few months, I have been on my period more than I have been off), and correct the anaemia that has been causing my haemoglobin levels to drop precipitously. Hopefully this will also fix the insane everyday headaches and I will not be so irritable.

I'm sure part of the reason I feel so down is that I am feeling physically unwell (ha! And I thought I was feeling okay but had a bit of a bleeding issue) but right now I hate synchro so much. I hate how competitive my team is within itself, and I hate being the last-ranked swimmer. I hate the sound of my name, because I hear it all the time followed by a correction.

Today at varsity practice, after four hours of masters practice, I sat on the edge of the pool. I couldn't even make myself get in and try. I just couldn't see the point. Nothing I do makes me any better; I can't catch up to my teammates, who are all incredible. I bring the team down, and everyone knows it. I can't even think of what else I should be doing.

I cried into my goggles during masters practice today. Am I thirteen? Good lord. Grow up. The drama!

(no subject)
underwater
sushi_chick
It seems like it was inevitable that I would somehow sabotage myself eventually.

Right?

Jon and I rarely fight, but when we do, it's a variation on the same theme: I ask him to do something, it makes him uncomfortable but instead of telling me he does it half-heartedly before bringing it up later in an argument, then I feel sort of like a jerk but sort of like he should be more mature about it, and eventually we sort of get over it.

And this happened again recently. For the first time, I was able to really articulate how I felt about it. I feel like in our relationship (and this is true of any relationship, when it comes down to it), one will often be asking the other to step outside his or her comfort zone, especially since he is an observer, he likes to sit back and watch, and I am a doer, I like to be in the thick of things. And when someone asks you to do something that makes you uncomfortable in a relationship, you can deal with it in one of a few ways: You can sacrifice your comfort for the other person, and do what you're asked. You can tell the person it makes you uncomfortable, and either not do it or negotiate. Or you can sort of be dragged along, only telling the person you're uncomfortable in the context of an argument, or to induce guilt. And I feel like he's consistently using the last tactic, which strikes me as immature.

I need someone who is forthright, straightforward, honest. Bullshit and games don't interest me. And I'm not sure if it's lack of experience in dating or if it's just a personality thing, but he doesn't seem to be able to give me what I need. So I've told him it's time to cool it down and stop seeing each so frequently. It's less a relationship, and more dating. He doesn't like it, and I don't like it much either, but then I didn't like the drama and silliness much. I just think maybe he needs some time to figure out whether this relationship is important enough for him to want to be the sort of straightforward person I need. And if it's not, okay. I can deal with that more readily than I can deal with a lot of bullshit.

It makes me sad, though. And I think that relationships don't often come back from this.

(no subject)
underwater
sushi_chick
I just got home from Amy, Katie, Maddie, and Merritt's Hallowe'en party, and am pretty loaded up with absinthe (and this time actually remember it, interesting), making the fact that I'm home alone and unwilling to contact my annoyingly immature boyfriend a little disconcerting.

Should we even be dating anymore? Are we even dating anymore? I don't know. I can't get my head right.

?

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